Parental Control

Having a baby is such a beautiful wonderful experience. Trying to describe the love you feel for your baby is almost impossible to put into words. It is an automatic feeling that just overtakes you and sometimes takes your breath away. It is the most amazing emotion one can ever have and is an experience that only parents can describe. However with this love and amazing happiness one feels as a parent there is a bitter sweetness to it. With love…comes fear.

When you love something so much you automatically become aware of the many things in our world that could hurt that which you love. Especially a baby. You realize how fragile they are and all of a sudden you have become this overprotective guardian of sorts ready to defend anything that might even come close to harming your baby. This works for things like keeping your baby away from people who might be sick (for fear of them catching a cold or flu), providing a safe loving environment for them, and ensuring the little one is always fed , clean, and warm. But what do you do when something happens out of your control?

I just found out my 3 month old baby boy has an inguinal hernia. Specifically a hydrocele of the cord. This is something he was born with and effects 5 out of 100 newborn males. A hydrocele is where the fluid from the abdomen seeps into the scrotum (or in my sons case into the sperm cord)because the distal processus vaginalis didn’t close completely while he was in the womb. Because there is now an opening where it didn’t close it became a hernia. A hernia in this area becomes serious and even life threatening because at any time a portion of the bowel could come down through this opening and become strangulated. When this happens the child can become toxic, the part of the bowel that became strangulated can atrophy and cause many different serious complications. This then could also cause pain, vomiting, and other various symptoms. The way to fix this is to have surgery.

Now wait a minute. Surgery? Surgery meaning administering anesthesia, and being opened up? My 3 month old baby lying on an operating table under general anesthesia and having an incision made to correct the hernia? Now here comes the fear part I was talking about earlier. NOW I AM FREAKING OUT!! This is crazy…how can one operate on a little baby boy? A little person that only weighs 14 pounds. My little peanut that the doctors suggested I not even give Tylenol to when he had his shots now has to be put under? If I didn’t have problems with anxiety before you can bet I have them now.

The surgeon of course acts as though this is no big deal. In fact he was quick to let me know that this surgery is the second most common surgery preformed on boys next to circumcision. Well now doesn’t that make me feel better??? Uh No! I also get all the advice from other people and my favorite from all of them is “you know there are many babies that get open heart surgery at this age” or how about “relax, everything will be fine it is no big deal just a simple outpatient surgery”. Let me explain something, I don’t care at the moment about what types of surgery other babies have and I don’t care if this surgery will only take 5 minutes to perform (which it won’t it will last about 45 min) it is still surgery! It is still my beautiful baby getting opened up and worked on! And of course there are always the “rare risks” associated with any type of operation that the doctor had to tell me about.

On top of all of this chaos (and that’s what it is at this point in my mind) I am told I can not feed my son 8 hours before the surgery. OK….let me get this straight….I am supposed to stop nursing my baby 8 hours before the surgery? HOW IS THAT SUPPOSED TO WORK!! He is only 3 months old! He eats every two to three hours! So now the night before he is supposed to have an operation he is going to be up all night screaming because he can’t eat!! How much trauma do they really expect to put this baby through?? I DON’T THINK SO! Not my precious baby. The one I am supposed to protect and love. So the nurse tells me that he can have clear liquids 4 hours before. Clears meaning water, apple juice, or pedialyte. I have never given my son anything other than breast milk. I don’t even think he will take a bottle and I can’t believe that breast milk is considered a solid. So I decide to do a little research of my own. Thank God I know how to use a computer because after a few hours of researching this on the Internet I find out that breast milk is considered a clear and that the American Association of Anesthesiology states that infants strictly fed breast milk can eat 3-4 hours before surgery.

So I call up my surgeon and tell him what I find. He tells me that the hospital has the rule of 8 hours before and I ask him why. He says it is just the rules they have but he will check with his anesthesiologist to confirm. I am livid at this point. Why do hospitals have rules like this? I asked around and it was suggested that it is because of their malpractice issues. This is ridiculous to me, the rules should coincide with safe practices not something that would make the patient more uncomfortable or miserable. Finally I get a call back and the surgeon said yes it was in fact fine to nurse my son 4 hours prior to surgery as long as it was only breast milk. So why aren’t they telling everyone this? Does this mean there are other mothers who are going through the same thing at this hospital and they are being forced to not feed their infants because they may not be educated enough about it. They just go by what the hospital says to do without questioning if it is the right thing to do. To me this is horrible..and I feel I must write the hospital . I am not one who normally complains but I feel so strongly about this issue that I am compelled to say something.

I know I am rambling and this is already way to long to be a blog. Normally I can summarize what I want to talk about. Trim down my writing to make it more clear and to the point, but I am finding when I am writing with strong emotion it is very hard to delete or water things down. Where are mothers to turn when they go through something like this? Everyone just wants to tell you that everything will be alright but in fact you know that they don’t know that for sure. So them saying it really doesn’t make you feel better at all. Although you understand they are saying the same that you would say if the shoe was on the other foot. It seems something ingrained in humanity…to tell each other it will all be OK even though we have no idea if it will. I also am one who likes to focus on the positive and not think about the negative so one would think that I would be perfectly good with everyone telling me not to worry. But it is my child…my baby…a little person who I am meant to protect and love. And the truth is…I don’t know if he will be OK. I am scared and worried and the more I try not to think about it the more I can’t stop thinking about it. My mother has been my only safe harbor through all of this. She is such a beatuiful light in this world and even though we are miles apart she listens to my worries and doesn't try to sweep my concerns under the rug. Also I have found solice in reading other mother's stories online. Now I just want to fast forward past the surgery so I know everything will be alright and he will be happy and healthy . But then won’t it just be something else?

That is the bitter sweetness you have as a parent. Yes your children are the most wonderful amazing beings that have ever come into your life, however, because of that you realize worry, fear, and panic come with them in a package deal. I have a 14 year old son as well and I hear many people say (that think I only have the baby boy) “wait till you have other children…the worry goes away and you won’t be so scared” well obviously that just isn’t true. You worry with every one of your children. I guess the best you can do is sit down and hold on tight and hope for the best with your children. Give them all the love you can and pray to the universe that they will be safe in life. Because sometimes, not everything is under your control. Sometimes you just have to have faith that everything will truly be OK.